Checking in

I have a few updates, so check back over the weekend for new posts.  For now, I wanted to check in about how we are (mostly, how I am) doing.

Grieving is funny.  It comes and goes but I think it's getting better.  I haven't cried about Owen weaning for two weeks now.  I think I got it all out the Saturday before Valentine's Day when Kraig and I went on a date.  Seriously, wept all day.  Ugh.  


So since all of that emotion is purged, I could really start to think about my dad's death.  It's still weird to write/say/hear that- my dad is dead.  I don't wait for him to call or text anymore, though.  Now it's just weird to see his name in my text list or see an email from him.  That stings a little, to be honest.  And talking about it will still bring me to tears, of course.  But at least I can function now.  Baby steps, right?


I just keep thinking that my dad wouldn't want me to be sad.  I know he didn't know that his time was so limited, and I know that he wouldn't have wanted to die so soon.  But on this side of things I have to believe that he would want me to think positively about him instead of just crying because he is gone.  He's still here with us; when Owen plays his drum that grandpa got him I can hear how happy it made my dad to see (via video) him play it.  Or when Owen sees the photo we have of grandpa on the wall and says "Grandpa! Grandpa Tim!  Grrr" I can remember fondly that my dad would always rub his beard on Owen's cheek and growl.  Then he'd ask Owen "what does Grandpa say?" and Owen would growl back.  I can look at photos of dad with Owen and count my blessings that I got to spend so much time watching him with Owen.  His love for Owen was so very clear.  He was so proud of how wonderful of a little man he is.  It makes me happy when we hear stories or receive emails from people who tell us that dad would always talk about his grandkids.  He was always showing off photos of them.  They were his favorite topic of conversation, to be sure.  Those memories and moments are so sweet. 


I could ramble all day about my dad and how much I miss him (so, so, so very much), but the point is that I am doing a little better.  For now.  No guarantees about the future :)


Aaaannnndddd.... I got a new nose ring.  I ordered the jewelry online (super-duper discounted) and managed to finagle it back into the piercing by myself.  Yeee-ouch.  I'm glad to have it back after 2.5 weeks without.  Petty?  Sure.  But it means a lot to me.  (Now it's time to go back to the tattoo/piercing shop for a tattoo for Kraig and to get my monroe re-done.  Oh yes.)  


Ahem.  Anyway, prayers are still welcome.  Thanks for listening, as always.