Conversations with a 2 year old, episode 1

One of the blogs that I frequent has a "series" of the same nature.  Kids really do say the darndest things, no?  Enjoy.

I was recently reading a childbirth book that has a few photos of women breastfeeding.  Owen came over to see what I was reading and saw one of the photos of a baby and her mother's breast.  Here's what happened next:

Owen::  "Mama what's that?"

Me::  "That's a boob."

Owen::  stares silently for a few seconds.... "I want to see more boobs!"

Oh dear.

Pregnancy: 15 weeks

I'm sure I'll continue to feel this way, but time is really flying by!  We're only a month out from our ultrasound (woohooo!) and at our next appointment we'll be halfway through this pregnancy.

I had our monthly appointment with our midwives- all three of them, which will likely continue to be the case since they are all free on our preferred appt. days (Wednesday).  I felt like it was our best visit so far.  It seems like we are becoming very close with all of them.  We have a very fun yet trusting and professional relationship.  Our head midwife, Stephanie, fully explains all of the risks and benefits of any procedure or testing so that we can make informed decisions about them.  We never feel pressured into anything, which is so great.  We get to weigh the risks ourselves and decide what we are comfortable with.  How refreshing :)

We covered a lot of different things during the visit (more details below) but the main event was hearing the heartbeat, which included another fun surprise!  When she was checking my abdomen I looked down to watch and noticed that one side was bulging a bit.  I didn't think it was the baby, but I asked anyway (along with saying something stupid like "is that my bladder?"  I know my bladder is not located there.  It was the first thing that came to mind :)).  She felt it and confirmed "that's your baby!" and then taught Kraig and I how to palpate my abdomen.  This is something we were comfortable with during our last pregnancy (we could always tell what position Owen was in based on what body parts we felt and where) but I did not at all expect to be able to feel the baby this early!  It was amazing, and now I lay around and home and try to feel if she's (*yes I refer to the baby as a she, but we don't know yet) in a position where I can feel her little body.  It's pretty amazing, and it helped us to bond to her even more.  (Especially Kraig, who can't feel movement yet, obviously).   You can watch the video posted below, but I will warn you that you can see my stomach, obviously, so watch at your own risk :)

Other than our appointment, which was the highlight for the week, I've been feeling pretty good lately.  I purchased some Earth Mama Angel Baby Heartburn Tea and wow, is it ever a magic potion.  I can eat ANYTHING and just drink some tea afterwards to prevent heartburn.  It's amazing, organic, all-natural, herbal tea and I highly, highly recommend it!

I'm still so, so very tired but try to squeeze in a nap each day and I go to bed pretty early (in the 9 o'clock hour).

More details:


At this appointment we covered nutrition first.  I had to record everything I ate for an entire week for Stephanie to review.  She was very happy with my diet, but we need to discuss some ways to supplement iron based on my blood test results.  I can either take a pill OR she will refer me to a naturopath for treatment, which may be more beneficial since I may have more deficiencies or areas of concern that don't show up on a blood test.  I was only a wee bit anemic, which was good to hear, but it's obviously something that needs to be taken care of before third trimester when anemia worsens.

We discussed prenatal screening for defects and disorders, and decided against any except for the 20-week anatomy scan.  We had the quad screen (a blood test) with our first pregnancy, but feel as though we are young and low-risk, plus the screen isn't definitive and requires even more testing to be done.  The followup tests are the part we are not comfortable with (another ultrasound and/or amniocentesis, which carry risks of their own), and they are done when your chances of having a baby with a certain disorder are just high enough (but not conclusive) to merit more testing.  So it could all be for nothing- which seems like a lot of worry and testing for no reason.  It wouldn't change whether or not we'd continue the pregnancy anyway.  We feel that the 20-week ultrasound screens for enough physical markers for defects or disorders without being ultra-invasive.

We also talked a bit about my last labor/delivery and some thoughts I've had about it in regard to this birth.  Stephanie put me at ease- which I knew would be the case- but it was just nice to be able to process aloud some of the things that I disliked about my last birth experience.  I love that the midwives don't mind acting a little bit like therapists in that regard.

We also discussed some of the benefits of home vs. birth center birth.  We have until 35 weeks to decide, but we are leaning toward birth center (Kraig is 100% certain he wants to be at the birth center).  *There is no difference in care, since it is a freestanding birth center.  I have so many thoughts about this- too many to list right now.

Finally, I weighed myself (totally optional here, which is great) and I gained 5 pounds (WOW) since the last appointment (I had lost 2 at that appt.) for a net gain of 3 pounds.  Not bad after gorging myself on crazy amounts of food during vacation.  I also had to do a urinalysis (you do the dipstick yourself at my midwife's office) and I had a couple of abnormal results.  Namely, high glucose and a teeny bit of blood. She was not concerned since this is the first time it's been abnormal, but if I get another abnormal result we'll do more testing.  (Specifically earlier testing for gestational diabetes.  It is very common to spill sugar into the urine at some point during pregnancy and the vast majority of the time it is no cause for concern.  Whew.)

Anyway, watch this video if you'd like.

(somewhere in the upload from iPad to Macbook it got all smooshed looking.  Everyone just looks a little wide.  Don't know what happened.  Whatever.)

*Highlights: 
-Owen tried to measure my belly with a tape measure.  He's never seen that done before.  Funny boy.
- Heart rate was ~150-156bpm according to my count.  I could be wrong.
- yes, I am all dopey and can't even answer simple questions like "Do you feel those?" because I was zoned out listening to my babe's heartbeat.  I also have a really high-pitched laugh when I'm excited.  Embarrassing.

Regression

This is very random, stream-of-consciousness.  I'd go back and edit, but I like everything that is included.  For the sake of not having to write separate entries about my dad/my grief, I'll leave it as is.


I was prepared, thanks to my perceptive friend Emily, for some regression as we traveled to Florida for my sister's wedding.  It would be the first time I saw my immediate family since my father's funeral, and I knew there would be some special remembrances of him during the wedding. (My sister held his handkerchief around her bouquet, and played a special song for him during the reception).

The weekend passed with a bit of sadness surrounding the absence of my dad but nothing that I don't normally encounter any other week.  I thought I had side-stepped the possible backtracking in my grief that I assumed would occur.  Whew.

Fast forward to a week later and my dad appears in one of my dreams.  It was an especially vivid one and it was unlike others that I have had since his death in that it made sense circumstantially (as opposed to ones where he is in a wheelchair, etc.)  Enter: regression.

In the dream I was waiting to leave for somewhere/something, and my dad was sleeping.  When he awoke I went in to say goodbye to him before I left and I started weeping.  I told him that he is very ill and he needs to take good care of himself.  I warned him that any respiratory illness could cause him to have to go to the hospital, and if he gets sick to call me right away and head for the ER.  I told him it would be worse than the last hospitalization, and that he would probably die.  Of course, I also told him that I love him very much and wanted him to stay well.

Does this all sound familiar?  See what I mean about it making sense?

I woke up and thought that those were all the things that I would have told him had I spoke with him about his illness before he died.

Kraig reminded me that those were the things I did tell him before he died.  Not immediately before, of course, but at times over the past two years and as recently as 2-3 days before his hospitalization.

The only difference was that in the dream, he was crying.  I could see and feel his emotion.  My dad wasn't one to hold back many emotions but sadness was one he did keep to himself.  I don't know how he felt about his disease or if he even knew its severity.  I also often wonder how he felt as he was driving to urgent care, likely gasping for breath.  I wish he had called me but I understand that the circumstances probably didn't allow for that.  Still, I wish I had spoken to him one last time.  I think being able to experience his sadness in the dream gave me a bit of closure.  Maybe he did understand how ill he was and how serious it could be if he got something as minor as a common cold.  I know that if he thought about it he would have been extremely sad to leave me and my sister (and our families) behind.  I know he would have been sad about his life being cut short.

At the same time it hurts to see him sad, even if it's only in a dream.  Part of me wants him to have been living in some grand illusion where he thought he'd get better just so he'd be protected from the painful truth.  Nobody wants to know they are going to die young.

When I woke up, the dream set off a flurry of emotions, some sad, some happy that I had seen him, mostly yearning to see him again.  Nothing out of the ordinary but as the day went on and we- coincidentally and completely unintentionally- listened to some of his favorite musicians, the emotions became stronger.  I felt the usual anger, despair, and disbelief that I struggled with so much during the first few weeks after his passing.

I am trying to remain positive as a lot of different thoughts go through my head.  I had a great relationship with my dad over the two years before his death and I am extremely grateful for that.  We talked constantly, day in and day out.  We were honest with each other and I considered him not only a loving father and grandfather, but a wonderful friend.  I knew how proud he was of us for moving to Oregon and how excited he was to possibly come visit this summer.

I have felt, at times, that people fault me for leaving Ohio when we did, especially when my dad suffered from such a terrible disease.  I have never felt guilty about it nor did I ever feel like my dad thought I should have stayed.  Sure, he missed us.  That is normal.  But he was so proud and so thankful to be able to witness some of our new life.  He knew it was a great choice for us as a family, and he never said a negative word about it (which was, honestly, quite surprising to me).  We maintained a close relationship even from across the country, and I think that is what matters the most.  The only thing he expressed disappointment about was our slow pace (in his opinion) in adding to our family.  The fact that I can't call him to tell him we're having another baby hurts more than anything related to distance in our relationship.  He would have been so thrilled.

I'm sure there will be many more instances in the next 20-30 years (that he should have been alive, given an average lifespan) that I will wish I could share with him.  I shared many daily experiences with him when we'd talk, and it hurts to not be able to share the little things just as much as it hurts to not share the bigger events.

So, that's where I am at.  Still struck by the fact that he isn't here.  Missing him more all the time.

Pregnancy: 14 weeks

He thinks he has a Baby Tiny in his belly, too.

We've been on a vacation of sorts for the past week (posts and photos to come).  I was hoping that my first trimester nausea would have been gone before vacation but, alas, I still get my lovely morning  evening sickness nearly every day.

I'm not happy about it.

In fact, it makes me worry that I'll continue to be sick for who knows how long.  I know this is normal for some women, and I know quite a few of them.  I just don't want to be one of them (no offense!)

Other than my sickness and whining about my sickness, I'm doing well.  Still tired, still very hungry.  My aversions/cravings are weakening, though, which makes me, and especially Kraig, hopeful that I will be cooking again soon.    My waist doesn't seem to be expanding much more, which makes me happy.  It seems as though things are evening out and I am looking as pregnant as I am as opposed to 3 months ahead of schedule :)

I'm very, very excited for our midwife appointment next week.  We'll hear the heartbeat and also talk about my nutrition (I have to journal a week's worth of meals/snacks.)  I'm mostly just excited that our practice focuses on nutrition at all.  I also have a few things I want to discuss after reading Ina May's book.  It really has me thinking about our last pregnancy/birth experience and how we can do things differently this time (i.e. stay out of a hospital, for one :-))

Houston

On the way home from Florida we decided to stay an extra day in Houston (we were flying through there anyway).  We thought taking Owen to the Nasa Space Center would be fun.  Boy were we wrong.  Oops, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Seriously, Apple products never fail to entertain a toddler in otherwise tantrum-inducing situations.  Long layover?  Let him "draw" on the iPad.

Success.

The first night in Houston was spent relaxing and enjoying a nice meal at an all-vegan asian restaurant.  There was a buffet.  Kraig was in heaven.  Bellies were full.

We enjoyed the outdoor pool the next morning before heading to another buffet (oh my goodness, pregnant lady's dream!) of soup, salad, and other goodies.

Finally, we were on our way to Nasa.

Owen was enjoying himself at first....

Checking his weight on different planets.

 and checking my weight too.  

But he didn't want to go near the shuttle exhibits.  He didn't want to go on the kids play place.  He didn't want to take advantage of photo opps like this one.

  He didn't want to go near this astronaut.

He certainly didn't want to try on the helmets.

But he didn't mind interactive TVs.

Since he didn't like the exhibits indoors, we decided to take the tram tour.

Silly.

The day wasn't a total loss, though.  I found an amazing mexican restaurant to go to- one that had been frequented by Bill Clinton, so you know it's good (haha).  Hugo's did not disappoint, which I knew it wouldn't when I saw the flor de calabaza (squash blossom) seasonal menu on the table.  I think that meal was the highlight of our trip, and we went back to our hotel with full bellies ready to get some sleep.

We left the next morning to complete flights #5 & 6 of our 6 day mini-vacation.  Owen has now been on 15 airplanes with absolutely zero meltdowns.  What an awesome traveling companion!

Stephens Wedding: The Big Day

Note: this is what happens when you think you've written a blog post but really didn't.  It ends up being 3 weeks late.  Oops!

We had a pretty relaxing morning on Sam's wedding day.  I may have even snuck in a nap!   We headed over to the beach house in the afternoon to help Sam prepare.  

Finally, it was time to get the bride in her dress!

The kids played in the sand and threw a tantrum or two (photos withheld to protect the innocent).

 Once everyone was ready, we headed to the beach for the ceremony.  My job?  Get these two kiddos down the aisle.

And do the reading.

It was a beautiful, serene, and of course, picturesque ceremony by the beach.

Followed by a boisterous reception into the late evening.

Seriously- Tayte and Owen would. not. stop. dancing.  So fun!

Congratulations, Samantha and Brian!

Stephens Wedding: Day two

We woke up bright and early Friday morning.  Not because we had to, but because a certain boy likes to wake up as soon as the sun comes up (even when he goes to bed "late").  I had to go with the ladies to the salon, though, so it was good timing.

Owen and Kraig stayed back at our condo for the morning.  After a nap (again, on demand.  Who is this kid?  We say "close your eyes and go to sleep" and he does it!) they headed down to the beach.  Owen can't get enough of the sand!

We all got ready to head over to Sam's beach house for rehearsal and dinner.  Unfortunately, the weather had not been cooperating for an outdoor rehearsal, but we did manage to sneak it in during a random calm moment between storms.

Did I hog this little peanut for the majority of the evening?  You bet I did.

Bellies were filled, rehearsal was complete, and we were ready to get some rest before the Big Day!

Stephens Wedding: Day one

Trips like this one make us very thankful that Owen is such an amazing traveler.  He gets so excited to fly on airplanes that we really don't have to do much to prepare him.  He helps pack his backpack with toys and snacks, gladly wakes up early, and cooperates the entire time- he even goes to sleep on demand on the plane!  

We got to Navarre Beach, FL in time to enjoy some sunshine.  Owen wasted no time in putting on his suit and digging into the sand.

Kraig wasted no time in getting into the summertime spirit with a Bell's Oberon.

 Mark and Tayte found this awesome conch shell just a few yards from Sam's back porch.

The happy couple at sunset

We grilled some mushrooms and veggie skewers (and meat for the meat-eaters) for dinner and let the kiddos play for a bit (this is where being on PST was so nice!  Late bedtimes!)  Wedding festivities started early the next morning though, so we headed back to our condo for some rest.  

A minor sidenote

Know who this is?

Yes, that is Sophie.  Yes, she looks just a little silly.  No, we did not choose to shave her.

We took her in for her grooming (first since we adopted her, though we do bathe and brush her here weekly).  After talking extensively with the groomers about the cut we wanted, the groomer picked her up and said "Oh.... her legs are matted underneath."

Insert red-faced dog parents who apparently don't know the proper way to brush a dog.

Followed by "we're going to have to shave her.  It's going to be short.  It's going to be really short."

Folks, I hardly recognized her when I picked her up.  I mean, would you have thought she was the same dog?!

Before shot:

I thought not.  We were a little shocked but we're just happy the issue was taken care of.  Obviously we figured out what we were doing wrong, and hope to avoid it in the future.  

She's still our hyper, loving little lady despite her embarrassing cut.  (I know, it's not so bad, but she does look a tad goofy.)

Well hey there, second trimester!

Finally!  I'm thankful to say that the last 9 weeks have really flown by.  We've been keeping busy with Owen, obviously, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

I'm not 13 weeks pregnant today, per se, but this week-ish.  I know, so vague.  But this is all an elaborate plan to mask when my due date is.  Yes, it's that important to me that people don't know the date.  Why?  Because folks don't know when to leave a 40-weeks pregnant, grumpy mama alone about when she is going to get that baby out.  If you're going to call me in November looking for a baby or laboring mama, instead consider an offer of food or a foot massage.  Just keeping it real :)

Anyway, I'm still feeling 100% awesome for most of the day.  Evenings are the worst but are slowly getting better.  Hopefully I'll feel great as we travel for the next 6 days on vacation to Florida for my sister's wedding.

And now I'll leave you with a few random photos of me and Owen (yes, Owen is still here despite the fact that I've basically ignored him on the blog lately.  Sorry!)  Kraig was going to shoot a couple photos of my growing belly and Owen wanted to model as well.  He picked up a shirt of mine that is wrap-style and had me put it on him.  So funny!  Look at his face; I think he felt like he looked pretty fancy.  Gentle smile, hands crossed.  I love this kid.