Wednesday November 23, 2011 3:00pm Our last prenatal appointment
I was feeling pretty patient as we met with our midwives for the last time. We had another NST which Dylan passed beautifully, of course. We didn't have much to discuss so it was a pretty boring appointment. Nobody felt like I was going to go into labor soon. We scheduled our next BPP for Friday, our next NST for Monday, and while I joked that I wouldn't need them since I'd have the baby I truly didn't believe it. I was just being positive. Deep down I thought I'd have him in about 4 or 5 days.
4:00pm We ran a few last minute errands to get groceries for our Thanksgiving feast. Then we headed to our "last supper" at Hungry Tiger Too. Vegan corn dogs! Yes, really. We had a lovely time, and I got a nice compliment from our waitress on how good I looked. She was shocked that I was due a week prior. Heh.
5:30pm We start prepping our Thanksgiving food for the next day. Our plan was that either I'd be eating it warmed up at the birth center, or we'd get to enjoy it at home. I enlisted Kraig to help me cook- it took some convincing (I may get a little.... bossy? in the kitchen) but after some begging he obliged. I was thrilled that he was helping me. Nothing like rubbing elbows with your honey in the kitchen. Owen giggled to Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving in the background. We were having a lovely time.
 |
| The last photo taken of my pregnant- ever. |
10:45pm We finished our preparations. Nothing was cooked (except the pumpkin pie) but everything was ready to go. Owen had been asleep for a while, and we finally headed to bed ourselves. I couldn't sleep which was nothing new, so I hopped around from room to room finishing up some online work, going to the bathroom umpteen times, and bouncing on the birth ball to try to get the kicking baby in my belly to calm down for the night. I had been having some crampy braxton-hicks contractions all night, but I'd had them for weeks- months even- so I thought nothing of it. I thought to myself "they'll go away while I'm sleeping, like they always do."
Thursday November 24, 2011
around 1:00am I fell asleep. Finally.
2:00am I wake to a particularly crampy, uncomfortable contraction. In a sleepy fog I thought "Huh, that hurts, I think I just have to pee and it will feel better" so I rolled myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I was shivering (it's cold in our house) and then climbed back into bed where I had another contraction that felt the same. Ouch! I was moaning a bit and shaking still, which woke Kraig. He asked if I was okay- I said "yes just having some contractions." I had said that before- he knew I got BH contractions a lot, so he never thought much of it. This time he hopped out of bed. I said "I need to go to the bathroom again, can you help me?" so he helped me up and then held me through another contraction while I shivered and moaned. This was different. I didn't think it was labor, but Kraig was apparently convinced. I kept telling him "No, no they'll go away, go back to sleep."
2:30am He started brewing coffee.
I begged him not to drink it- I didn't want him to be up all night then cranky the next day. I tried to convince him to sleep since it wasn't really labor. I probably wasn't very convincing as I stood at the couch timing my 4-minutes-apart contractions while deeply humming through them and swaying my hips. It likely didn't help that I needed counterpressure on my lower back, or that each one was lasting at least a minute and a half. I may have been in denial at the time, but I'm thankful that Kraig was up and ready, making preparations around the house for us to leave soon even as I asked him to stop :-)
3:00am I called my midwife and let her know "I think I'm in labor". I told her about their timing, and she tried to tell me to rest in between and call back when I was ready to come in to the birth center. I laughed at her, letting her know there was no way I was laying down through these. Yowza.
I got in the tub and Kraig kept it warm by boiling tea kettles of water and pouring them in periodically while he went about putting bags in the car, etc. I moaned through each contraction, and the weightlessness of being in the water seemed to help just a bit. I suddenly felt as though maybe this was it, and that IF it was that I should start getting things ready myself. I was sad I wasn't able to bake cupcakes like I'd wanted to (I wanted to have cupcakes ready for a "birth-day" celebration) but figured the pumpkin pie and cinnamon rolls would have to do. Things were too intense for me to start baking. I thought about how perfect this timing was- laboring in the middle of the night while Owen slept, and Donna and Gordon could just come join him soon and be here when he woke up. Hopefully I wouldn't labor for long- maybe we'd have a baby around lunchtime, I thought. We tried to hold off on calling D & G until 6am so we wouldn't wake them too early....
3:45am I get out of the tub and start getting dressed. I kneel on all fours on the bed and yell into a stack of pillows with each contraction. I thought to myself how awful this felt, how excruciating back labor is, and that it better be the real thing because I didn't want to do it again if this was a false start. I wondered when to call the midwife, and how far along Kraig was in his preparation. I hoped not to wake Owen....
5:00am Enough. I'm nearly in tears when I think about how much longer I might have to go. I am in agony with each contraction, but totally calm and composed in between. This makes me think that I am not far along (with Owen's birth I couldn't get a handle on myself between contractions.... and that is the difference between a medicated and unmedicated labor!) I was surprised by how well I was handling it really, and thus thought that it was going to get SO much worse. I call Stephanie in between contractions and tell her I can't handle it anymore. She asks if I want to come in and use the birth tub. Yes, please! We agree to meet there at 5:40. Kraig calls Gordon after the next contraction and tells them this is it, we need them ASAP. Well, we almost made it to 6am, I guess ;-)
5:30am We leave for the birth center. The drive takes only 10 minutes (hello perfect timing- early morning on a holiday = no traffic.) Kraig only runs one red light ;-) We arrive, but the gate is locked so I finish one more contraction in the car before we shuffle quickly to our room just as another one hits. I manage two more outside the tub as we wait for it to cool a bit. I eagerly get in and never get out until after he is born..... Once again, being weightless in the tub really helped with the back labor and just generally helping me to relax and let my body open up and do the work.
6:00am By now two of the three midwives are there, and one asks to check me so they know when to call Steph to come in. I am eager but nervous to know how far I am dilated. I say out loud "oh please let me be more than a 3, please be more than a 3...." since I was 3cm when they last checked on Monday (I didn't want a check at Wednesday's appointment because I just didn't care to know- I was convinced labor wasn't starting soon!) She checked (and can I note how much more gentle a midwife is than hospital staff? Oh wow. Cervical checks in the hospital were pure agony each and every time. Ridiculously painful. My midwives have never made me so much as wince with an exam.) and she said he was at 0 station, 70% effaced, and SIX CENTIMETERS!!!!! I know enough to know that 7-10 can go pretty fast, and that they are often the hardest for the mama to manage. Being at 6 meant we were almost there! I was so thrilled I cried, and I said "so I'm really in labor?!" (denial much?) and Jaimee said "Oh yes, I could have told you that before I checked you!" Heh. I just thought I was being dramatic and they'd send me home telling me this wasn't the real deal. Well shoot, here we go then!
I continue to manage the contractions by just holding on tightly to my hips through each one, and moaning/yelling, often saying "no no no no no" and "make it stop make it stop". My uterus wasn't relaxing much during each rest period, but they told me that is because my body was just being really efficient and to let it happen. Use my break, they'd tell me. Tell yourself YES instead of NO, they'd say. Ha.
I started to feel tingly in my arms and legs. I also wanted more quiet, and for the lights to be off and curtains closed. I wanted a dark, quiet place to birth my baby- much like animals seek out a quiet dark nest to birth in. I started to think maybe I was getting closer- perhaps this was transition? I also kept telling them I couldn't do it, I wanted to stop, I needed a break, I couldn't handle it. I knew very well that I WAS doing it, that I COULD go on, but each contraction was just so awful..... I started vigorously rubbing my lower back with each contraction.
8:00am I start to feel a little pressure, like I needed to push. I couldn't believe it- maybe I just needed to go to the bathroom? I tell Jaimee and she says to breathe through it and maybe give a tiny push to see if it feels right. I do, and it does. The urge slowly gets stronger and stronger, and I push a little more each time. I still didn't believe I should be pushing- I had only had the one cervical check, which was just 2 hours before and I couldn't possibly be nearly done, right?! Could I be so lucky?! Stephanie arrives and I tell her I feel pushy. I ask her to check me to see if I'm reading my body's signals wrong... She says sweetly "if your body is telling you to push, just push. I'm not checking you. Push and let me know if it feels pinched or painful at all." I tell her after the next contraction that it feels good to push, no pinching. She says that is because I am complete (10cm) and nothing is swelling. If something were tearing or swelling, it would hurt. (We had previously spoken extensively about how women don't truly need to wait to ten centimeters to push- the body would rarely give the urge if it wasn't okay to do it. She has never had an issue with mamas pushing too early, even if they start pushing at 7 cm, because the body just finishes moving that last bit of cervix out of the way with each push.) So I felt fine not knowing if I was truly at ten, I was just following my body's signals and that felt right.
I know that multiparas push, on average, 20 minutes. I could do twenty minutes! I start asking how much longer she thinks it will be. Like, how many more pushes? She guesses 6. I can do 6! I start to feel energized and confident that I am really going to do this. Everyone is excited. I ask Kraig to get in the tub with me. It feels so good to push with each contraction, while simultaneously being a really awful, uncomfortable sensation :-)
(Birth photos ahead- nothing graphic. Many are blurry but I am grateful to have these raw, emotional moments captured. My memory is fuzzy so it's kind of fitting anyway, right? :-) I couldn't possibly delete them just because they are less than perfect. These are amazing moments. Enjoy.)
I ask Steph if she can see the head. She can't, but she checks and he's just "one knuckle in, with a bulging bag of waters". That's right- my water never broke. I think this is why I hadn't felt his head come through my cervix- it was well-cushioned with the amniotic sac. I had always wanted my water to be left alone (my midwife's policy is to rarely artificially rupture the membranes anyway) because it often means a much gentler birth since the baby's skull bones aren't grinding on mama's pelvis. I had a very strong bag of waters with Owen's birth (artificially broken at 10cm) so I knew there was a chance it just might not break on its own...
I tried a leaning back position. Um, no thanks.
I am digging into Kraig's side with each contraction- poor guy. He was in a lot of pain but remained calm. This is taking longer than I thought it would.... I start to say I want it over, just get him out. I also start pushing much more effectively and much harder, with a few "bonus" pushes in between- only when my body would give me that signal. I was just rolling with what felt right. It was amazing to be so in tune with my body. Baby was kicking me, as if he was kicking off a swimming pool wall. I knew that unmedicated babies did this- they are actively trying to push themselves out. Amazing! It hurt, but I was (and still am) so grateful that I was able to experience all these little nuances of how birth was designed to be... Baby and I were such a great team! (and Kraig, too, of course!)
 |
| totally with it, conversing and even joking between contractions. |
This might be a bit too much info, but finally I could feel the bulging bag of waters outside of my body. Still intact, of course, but it was like a water balloon as large as a big grapefruit. Pretty awesome! Now just to get the head out and I'd be home free....
Finally I felt "the ring of fire" and knew he was crowning. I kept pushing, pushing, pushing, and out he came! Steph said she slipped a loose cord over his head without breaking the bag of waters- it was so strong! It broke once I gave one more push and his slippery body came flying out. I heard Steph say "reach down and get your baby". I sat back and grabbed his sweet little body from underneath the water at 9:20am (just over an hour of pushing). He was so tiny and perfect in my arms! Kraig was immediately by my side and he started weeping instantly at the sight of his new son. I was just so thrilled that it was done! We did it! And oh my, we were taken back by how beautiful this new baby was. We cooed over him and welcomed him to the world. He didn't cry- just looked around and squirmed. He was very content right from the start.
 |
| staring at perfection |
I birthed the placenta and then got out of the tub. We spent the day snuggled in bed with our new little man! (more stories- including Owen and Dylan's meeting- to come.)
 |
| Such a sweet baby boy |
I never set out to birth without drugs for bragging rights, or for some kind of weird sadistic pleasure. I don't need a medal, and I would never lord it over someone that I did it "right" or "better". But for me, birthing without meds simply means that the birthing hormones that are naturally and perfectly designed aren't messed with. Once drugs and interventions are introduced the body's own hormonal responses (both mama's and baby's) are suppressed. This interferes with both the birth process itself (i.e. makes labor longer, more painful, and a slew of other side effects) as well as the precious hours and days after the birth. The bonding hormones are suppressed, the baby's natural responses to stimuli and the mother's instincts are all lowered due to the artificial hormones that have been introduced. I didn't want that. I had a birth like that, and I never wanted that ever again. Yes, epidurals are beautiful things, but I personally value the natural design. I also respect every woman's ability to choose the birth experience that SHE desires. I am thankful that I had the choice and the resources to make it happen.
And so, I am extremely grateful for this birth experience- it was beautiful, and much easier than I anticipated after having experienced a painful, unnatural, highly medicated hospital birth. I kept expecting things to get out of control, for it to be much more pain than I could bear (like it was with pitocin) and for me to totally lose my bearings. But none of that ever happened. I wish everyone could experience birth in this way- I am blessed to have been able to feel each and every sensation and to see the harmony between mama's body and baby's body. I'm glad I wasn't numb. I am glad I didn't drug myself or my baby. I am glad nobody interfered with the natural progression or intervened to "help" me get the baby out. My body knew just what to do. I am so, so very thankful.
I also think it's pretty cool that he was born "in the caul". It's a very rare and auspicious thing, you know ;-) What a special experience for all of us!
No comments:
Post a Comment