Dear Kraig,
You're likely reading this in your Google Reader with me looking over your shoulder. That's how it always is, though, so I don't think you mind. I can't help but want to be near you so I'm usually sitting right next to you reading what you are reading, asking questions about what you think, telling you not to click there but click "that" instead. You probably think it's annoying- and I'll admit that it is- but maybe deep down you like that I'm always so close to you.
It's been that way since the beginning. You and I both would- and still do- always choose to do things together. It may be less efficient that way; we're always waiting for the other person to be available before we run to the post office, the bank, the grocery store, the coffee shop. But we just love soaking up all of that time together; we always want to be together rather than apart. Even now that we have Owen, you and I would both choose for it to be the three of us instead of getting a sitter. That explains why we haven't had a date since Valentine's Day, but that's another story for another time. I think that neither of us want to feel like we are missing out, which means we must think there is something to be missed. So let me tell you what I would miss about you.
I would miss your jokes. Oh my, how you are always making me laugh! You're always asking me why I still laugh at your jokes and I always tell you- you are the funniest person I've ever met. It's true. You have a smart and sarcastic wit that I have never encountered in someone else. I often wonder how you come up with such quick replies, or where you got such an amazing sense of humor. I will probably never understand but I know that your humor is such a gift to me.
I would miss having someone to encourage me. Being a stay at home mom means that I have a lot of time during the day when I need affirmation. I need affirmation that I made the right parenting choice, I need encouragement as I sometimes struggle to be the kind of mom and housewife that I want to be, I need an outlet to talk about frustrations. I love that you are always there to listen and to say "I agree with everything you just said". How it is that we see eye-to-eye on nearly every little thing is beyond me... but I'm thankful.
I would miss watching you as a father. Even on the days when I most need a break, I can't stand the thought of you taking Owen to the park without me. I love watching you play with him, lead him, and encourage him. You are a patient- oh, so patient- father. You are so playful, and I can tell that Owen just adores you. I can't wait until he is old enough to understand your humor! In the meantime, though, I know that he loves you and enjoys every minute he gets to spend with you. Do you know how I know that? I pick him up out of his crib in the morning and watch him walk to your side of the bed, looking for you. I am here with him all day when he looks at your photo and says "Dada?", and I see his face when he watches the car pull in when you get home from work. I see him walk up to you, climb into your lap, and then turn his face up towards yours as he waits for a kiss. I see him take your shoulders in his tiny little hands as he rests his head on your chest. I don't want to miss any of those moments.
I would miss how well you lead us. Leading is definitely your strength- I've known it from the very start. I've always trusted your decisions and always look to you for guidance. I'm always checking with you for your opinion, even when it doesn't matter to you, because I trust that you know best. I am thankful to have you to lead our son. I am sure that he will appreciate it, too, as he grows older and has you to look up to. What a huge task that is! But I know that you will do it well, with integrity and love and a little bit of humor. Owen is so, so lucky to have you, and so am I because I have no idea how I could lead Owen without you.
I would just miss you. Oh, I knew the moment I met you that you were the one for me. Your demeanor, your kindness, your charm. Everything about you is perfect for me, even when I take it for granted. I would miss taking care of you- yes, I would miss putting your needs before my own. I would miss how well we complement each other, how we encourage each other, how we sharpen each other. We are always better when we're together, after all.
I hope that you enjoy spending the day, this day and every other day, with me as much as I will enjoy it with you. Three years. Can you believe it? We've moved 3 times- once across the country- we've had a baby, we've endured the lows, the highs, and everything in between. We've at times felt as if it was us against the world, and at other times felt so surrounded by supportive community. We've wondered how we can overcome, and then we overcame- together. Always together, always holding hands, usually laughing and always smiling. You're my best friend, my protector, my caretaker, my teacher, my leader, my lover, the perfect provision for my life. I cherish you, respect you, care for you, and love you.
Always,
Your J
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